Priorities
by beeftony
Summary: Katara helps Aang puzzle out what the Guru meant when he told him to let go of his earthly attachments.


Aang rose quietly from the ground, careful to keep his footsteps light. There was no blanket to toss aside, thanks to the warm Fire Nation summer that permeated the cave where they were staying. Even Sokka had just collapsed on the ground and gone to sleep. Only Katara still used her sleeping bag, and even then she only slept on top of it.

He tiptoed out of the cave and onto the beach. The moon was almost full tonight, lighting his way and reminding him of things he would rather not think about. Such thoughts had been what kept him awake, and he had left the cave in order to escape them. But now they returned. He sat down and drew his knees to his chest, staring out at the waves.

Two days ago he had been out among those waves, hopelessly lost in the storm just like he had been that day one hundred years ago. He'd been lost ever since.

The waves had been especially daunting the last few months. It started when he lost Appa, the only companion from his old life who was still around. Being separated from the bison had taken a significant toll on him, and for the first time he had actually started to doubt that the war could be won. He couldn't even stop his bison from being kidnapped; what hope did he have of saving the world?

Once they reached Ba Sing Se, it had only gotten worse. They wasted over a month looking for Appa when they could have gotten so much more done. As depressing as the loss had been, the time they spent in the city had been a rare calm spell in a perpetual typhoon; a welcome break from the harsh realities of the war that had been confronting him every chance they got. But the waves had not died down completely.

Things had really gone to hell after they fulfilled what they had come to Ba Sing Se to do in the first place. It had been satisfying to free the Earth King of his spell and put Long Feng in his place. But what they had failed to realize was that, for all his manipulation and brainwashing, the head of the Dai Li was correct in being paranoid. Had he still been in charge of Ba Sing Se when Azula and her friends arrived disguised as the Kyoshi Warriors, they might not have gotten in. The city would not have fallen.

And the world would not believe he was dead.

"This isn't right," he said to nobody. "I shouldn't have to hide like this."

"None of us like it," Katara responded from behind him. He started, but did not turn around. "But you're safer this way."

"I know," he said, staring at his feet. He still wore the curved boots that they had acquired earlier that day. "I just can't help thinking how wrong this whole thing is."

"Is that why you couldn't sleep?"

He nodded. "Sorry I woke you up."

She came beside him and sat down, resting her arms on her kneecaps. "You didn't," she told him. "There was a cave hopper on my face."

Aang giggled. "I didn't hear any scream."

"That's because it wasn't on _Sokka's_ face," she replied, and they both laughed. "Aang," she said after a few moments, "what's bothering you?"

He looked away. "Everything."

"Well _that_ narrows it down," she remarked, which got him to look at her. "Come on, you can tell me."

"I already have," he answered, staring at the waves again.

"You still think you failed, don't you?"

"I _did_ fail," he said more firmly, returning his gaze to her. "And not just a little bit. I failed completely. I even _died_."

"And I brought you back," she said. "We all did. You're safe now."

"No, I'm not. I won't be safe until this is all over." He closed his eyes. "Nobody will."

She touched his shoulder and he looked at her again. "Aang, you _are_ safe. You're even having fun at school."

"Yeah, a _Fire Nation_ school. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me not to airbend the teacher into the next room? She said Fire Lord Sozin defeated the Air Nomad _armies_. I was there, and we didn't _have_ any armies! Sozin took them completely by surprise and he _massacred _them!"

Katara removed her hand. "Aang, that's awful. Why didn't you tell us about it earlier?"

He looked away again. "Because I didn't want you to worry."

"I'm not worried. I'm just concerned."

"Is there supposed to be a difference?"

"Well, yeah. I'd be worrying if you suddenly left on your own after saying you had to face the Fire Lord alone. I'd be worried _sick_."

Aang sighed. "I'm sorry I ran away like that."

"It's okay. We ended up finding you alright. We're together now and that's all that matters."

"No, it's not. That's the problem with all of you. You never think about the bigger picture."

"Aang, that's not true. We're planning the invasion and—"

"And you're just going to _wait_ here until it happens!" He stood up and gestured his arm toward the sea. "Meanwhile, people are still _dying _out there! We waited in Ba Sing Se for a whole _month_ looking for Appa when we could have been helping to win the war! And now you just want to pretend like it's not happening _again_?!"

She stood up as well. "There's really nothing we _can_ do. The Fire Nation already took over Ba Sing Se. We need to take this time to regroup and gather our own forces so we can take them by surprise on the day of the eclipse."

"And do you really think we can win that?" He threw up his arms. "I can't even firebend! And my water and earthbending are pathetic too!" He stomped in the sand and a rock shot up a few feet away, then fell back down in the water, barely making a splash. "See? I should be able to do more than that!"

"You still have a few months to train," she reassured him. "And that's another reason why you shouldn't just go rushing off on your own. You still have so much to learn."

"You're _right_, Katara. I should just forget about all the people being oppressed by the Fire Nation right now and focus on making fancy _splashes_!" He faced the water, bringing his arms up, then down, creating a wave that flowed opposite of its brethren. It only traveled about ten feet before the ocean corrected itself. He faced her again. "And speaking of waterbenders, I wonder how the North Pole's doing! Or the South Pole! I mean, those are the only places the Fire Nation has left to conquer, right? I wonder how you'd feel about this if they captured _Gran-Gran_!"

"Aang, stop it," she snapped, glaring. "You're getting out of control."

"Oh, and that's the worst thing in the world, _isn't_ it?! Me losing my temper is _so_ much more awful than what they're probably doing to the people in Ba Sing Se right now! I should just _calm down_!"

"Yes, you should," she replied, crossing her arms. "What's wrong with you? You're not acting like yourself."

"What's wrong with me?! What's wrong is that I'm the worst Avatar _ever_!" He swept his arm horizontally as if to underline that statement. "I disappeared for a _hundred years_, and the Fire Nation took over the world while I was gone! And now I failed at Ba Sing Se! The world is counting on me and I keep letting everybody down! _That's_ what's wrong!"

"Well now you have a chance to redeem yourself," she replied. "And you don't have to do it alone. We're all here to help you."

Aang turned around. "You're wrong," he said quietly, letting his shoulders slump as the rage left him and sadness took its place. "I _do_ have to do it alone."

Closing the distance between them, Katara put a hand on the young Avatar's shoulder. "Aang, why do you keep saying that?"

He didn't look at her. "Because of what the Guru told me."

Katara kept her hand where it was, circling him until they were facing each other again. "What did the Guru tell you, Aang?"

He looked away. "You wouldn't understand."

"Well then explain it to me so I do." She stared hard at him until he finally looked back at her.

"He told me that unless I opened all my chakras, I wouldn't be able to go into the Avatar State."

Katara raised an eyebrow. "What are chakras?"

"Do you remember on the ship, when you were healing me and you said you felt a bunch of energy twisted up in my back?"

She nodded.

"That's the only chakra I haven't unblocked."

"Oh." She dropped her hand, and the distance between them became greater. "How do you unblock it?"

"By letting go of my earthly attachments." He looked away. "That's why I came back early. And it's why I failed at Ba Sing Se. There was something I couldn't let go of."

"What couldn't you let go of, Aang?"

He looked her in the eye. "You."

Katara just stood there. The thoughts she had been having that night on the ship were returning to her in full force. She hesitated before asking her next question. "What do you mean?"

He moved closer. "Katara, I like you. Not just as a friend. It's what I was trying to tell you before I went to see the Guru, and it's the reason I came back. I love you."

"I…." Talking was suddenly hard. Aang was even closer now, and she could feel his breath. He leaned in, and for a moment, so did she. Before they connected, however, she turned away. Aang looked mortified.

"Katara, I'm sorry."

"It's not that," she replied more than a little breathlessly. "We're just not done talking yet."

"Oh. Right." The distance between them grew again. "What were we talking about?"

"We were talking about how you couldn't let go of me at Ba Sing Se."

"Right." He looked down. "Actually, I _did_ let go. Just for a second. That's how I went into the Avatar State." He closed his eyes. "Not that it made much difference."

"Aang…." She reached for his shoulder again.

He swatted the hand away. "Quit trying to patronize me! I know I messed up! You don't have to hide everything from me because you're worried I might get hurt!"

Katara crossed her arms. "That's not what I'm doing, Aang. I know you've grown up a lot since I found you in that iceberg. I'm just saying that you don't have to go through this alone."

"Yes I _do_!" he shouted, raising his arms. "How are you not getting that?!"

"Mostly because you're sending me mixed messages," she answered, trying to keep her voice calm to hide her mounting frustration. "You just tried to kiss me and now you're saying you want to be left alone. Which is it?"

He looked away. "I…."

"Which is it, Aang?" she repeated more forcefully. "Do you want me to just wait here while you go off on your own to face the Fire Lord and give you a kiss when you come back? Is _that_ what you want?"

"Katara…."

"Even though you probably won't come back and you'll end up a charred corpse because, like you said, you can't even firebend? Huh? Is _that_ why you're pushing me away?"

He didn't answer.

"What exactly is it that you want from me, Aang? Do you want my help or do you just want me to stand here while you go get yourself killed?"

"It's not just _you_!" he shouted even louder than before, unconsciously summoning a whirlwind. She dropped her arms. "You said it yourself all the way back at the Southern Air Temple: you guys are my only family now! I don't _want_ to let you go! But I _have_ to! I have to fulfill my destiny!"

"Not by yourself!"

He glared at her. "I'm not going to let you get hurt, Katara. Or Sokka or Toph or anybody else. I'm the reason the world is in this mess right now. I'm the one who has to fix it."

She crossed her arms again. "And how much do you want to wager I'll get hurt if you die again and I'm not there to fix _that_?"

The words appeared to have their desired effect, as Aang immediately froze. He said nothing.

"I get why you think you have to go off on your own. You don't like the thought of us risking our lives to fix your mistakes. You don't like needing us to help you do that. But we need _you_ too. Do you have _any_ idea how I felt when I thought you might not ever wake up?"

"I'll bet it was pretty scary," he answered quietly, not looking at her.

"You're damn right it was," she replied. "Ever since I found you in that iceberg, I've been doing _everything_ to help you get good enough to face the Fire Lord. I left behind my entire village just because I knew you needed me to. I'm willing to follow you anywhere you go, do whatever it takes to make your life easier, and you just want to turn your back on me?"

"I never asked for your help," he insisted.

The waves behind her came crashing in harder than normal and she glared at him. "No, you didn't. But it's clear that you need it. I'm a better waterbender than you even though you picked it up in five minutes. You know why? Because unlike you, I don't just put it off and try to forget it exists! I train hard _every day_ to make sure I stay in top shape, and I do it because I need to be able to teach _you_! Have you even _looked_ at half the scrolls Master Pakku gave us? Or would you rather be making snowmen while _I_ focus on the hard parts?"

He looked at her again. "Katara…."

"And that's not even getting into how completely selfish you were when Appa got stolen. You just left us there in the desert while you flew around on your glider. You said we only cared about ourselves, but did you even think of _us_? _I_ ended up having to lead us out of there. And then you tried to forget the whole thing even happened!"

"I apologized for that!"

"No, you didn't!" she shouted, leaning in closer and causing Aang to shrink back. "I never once heard the word 'sorry' leave your mouth. You tried to make it better with your heartfelt confession about feelings and I thought that was good enough, but it's not anymore! It's not enough because you're doing the exact same thing _again_! You're shutting me out and you're not listening to anything I say!"

"_Enough!_" he yelled back, and the air swirled up around them. The water also reacted, and Katara felt the sand shifting beneath them. "How is any of this supposed to make me feel better?"

"It's _not_," she answered, crossing her arms. "That's my whole point: I've done _nothing_ but try and make you feel better ever since the day we met. Every time you needed somebody to talk to, I've been there. Every time you lost control and almost hurt people in the Avatar State, I've been there to bring you out of it. But all it's done is allow you to slack off and ignore your training. Maybe I need to take a page out of Toph's book and show you a little tough love."

"I haven't been slacking off," Aang insisted, looking away. "Not on purpose. Things happened that I couldn't control; that _none_ of us could control, and I lost sight of things. I never meant to interrupt my training."

Katara kept her arms crossed, trying to appear unmoved. For her part, she was tempted to show her sympathy and give the boy a hug. He _had_ been through a lot in the last few months, and he did have a point: he hadn't consciously neglected his training, nor had any of them. They had just gotten caught up in circumstances that were completely out of their control. But this was no time for excuses. Aang had a duty to fulfill.

"Well now you have a chance to resume it, and I think you should do that. The Fire Nation isn't hunting us anymore. In fact, we're passing pretty well as locals. Appa's with us, and everybody's as safe as they can be in enemy territory. You need to get strong enough to face the Fire Lord when the day of the invasion comes, not just mindlessly rush after him when you barely even survived his daughter's attack."

"You're right," he agreed quietly, looking at her again before bowing. "It'll be an honor to resume training with you, Sifu Katara."

Katara dropped her arms and smiled before bowing herself. "It will be an honor to teach you, Pupil Aang." A moment later she dropped the formality and gave him a hug.

He returned it enthusiastically. They separated after a moment, and Aang leaned in. Katara put a finger between them. "No. You don't get to do that."

Aang raised an eyebrow, as though he actually didn't understand. "Why not?"

She sighed, reminding herself that although the Avatar had been born a century ago, his body and mind remained that of a twelve year old boy. "Aang, did you ever stop and think to yourself about what the Guru really meant?"

He nodded. "Of course. He said I had to let go of what attached me to the earth in order to reach the Avatar State and fulfill my destiny. I told him I couldn't do that. I love you too much."

Katara shook her head. "Aang, he was trying to tell you the same thing that _I'm _trying to tell you right now: you can't let yourself get so attached to things that you forget about your responsibilities as the Avatar. Those come first, no matter what. You can't let anything else take priority over them or you'll never be able to unlock your full potential and save the world. You've seen what can happen."

He looked down. "What are you saying?"

She took a deep breath. "I'm saying that if it ever comes down to a choice between saving me and saving the world… I want you to save the world."

Aang reeled back in horror. "I can't do that!" he shouted. "You're the most important person in my life! I love you!"

"You don't _have_ to do it, Aang," she replied calmly. "It's not an either-or choice. You just have to be _able_ to let go of us; not actually do it unless there's no other option. That's all the Guru was trying to tell you."

He calmed down quickly. "That's it?"

She nodded.

"Well he could have just _said_ that!" he fumed, kicking some sand. "Instead of making me think I had to abandon you to achieve my destiny! What did he _think_ I was going to choose?!"

"It's a good thing you have me here to explain it to you then," she remarked, and they both laughed.

"Yeah," he replied, smiling. "It's a really good thing that you're around. I love you."

Katara crossed her arms, raising her defenses. This time her mood was not so hostile, however. "Aang, I love you too. But being this close to you when there's a world out there that needs our help just… doesn't seem right. I don't think we should talk about our feelings for each other until after the war's over."

Demonstrating a truly amazing sense of tunnel vision, Aang perked up. "You mean you have feelings for me?"

"Well, yeah," she answered matter-of-factly, as if it were the most normal thing in the world. "But I know that acting on them right now would interfere with what's really important. You have enough distractions as it is without being in a relationship. Once the war's done we can talk about it."

"You really mean that?"

She nodded. "I do."

He smiled. "Thank you, Katara. It means a lot."

They hugged. "You should get some rest. We have a lot of stuff to get done tomorrow." They separated.

"Right. Good night, Katara."

"Good night, Aang."

They walked back into the cave together.

* * *

Author's Notes:

This is the follow-up to _After Thoughts_ that I mentioned. It's going to be a regular series, called the Insomnia Series. I'm calling it that because all of them involve dialogue between two characters who are supposed to be in bed while everyone else sleeps. They will all take place between episodes and make observations on them. This one takes place in the middle of "The Headband," for those of you who couldn't figure it out.

The main point of this story is one that I wish the series had explored more. While I agree with Iroh's point that perfection and power are overrated, I don't think that's what the Guru was saying. So many stories that use the "attachment is bad" moral tend to forget that many Eastern philosophies define attachment as _obsession_, and the actual moral is that you shouldn't let your earthly possessions rule you. In Aang's case, his love for Katara tends to reign over everything else, to the point where he puts himself and the entire world in jeopardy just so he can go save her, a very unwise move that was nevertheless completely in-character for him. I just wish the show had followed up on it.

Another reason I wrote this was because we never really saw much of the other side of Katara's motherly instinct, such as the need for tough love. Mothers don't simply exist to make us feel better all the time, especially single mothers; anybody whose mother did a good job raising them can attest to this. They balance it with discipline, and in the end we're thankful for it. That's the side of Katara that I wanted to show here: the one who is obsessed with responsibility and self-discipline, and the good it can do. I think I got some pretty awesome lines out of it.

This is ultimately more difficult to reconcile with the show than my last one-shot, but I simply refuse to believe that someone as perceptive as Katara remained blissfully unaware of Aang's feelings for her until he kissed her during the invasion. I think the explanation I provided in this story is perfect justification for why the show held off their romance until the very end. It's also a send-up to some of the more maniacal shippers who somehow believe that romance is more important than saving the world from the Fire Nation.

Hope you all enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I'll try and get some more stories published soon.


End file.
